Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Three Hours

It'll soon be almost a month since my CSE interview. I haven't been able to bring myself to begin studying for the next cycle yet. As much as I would like to blame the uncertainty inherent in this long painful wait before the final results, I cannot escape from the fact that the reason lies elsewhere and I am cognizant of it. I've given my best shot in this attempt, and I probably couldn't stretch more while staying in my current job. I am aware of the futility of trying to better what already is best. I haven't attended coaching for this exam. My interaction with other candidates in the fray has been sparse. I, therefore, am unaware of my competition. All I hold on to is a strong belief in myself and my destiny. I wait, anxious and silent, for what lies ahead.

I distinctly remember the sepia tinged evenings, when I would return home after the day's work, with drooping shoulders and a searing headache to match, and in spite of it all, I would push and cajole myself, to somehow snatch those ever so elusive three hours from the jaws of the evening that would otherwise vanish into the quicksands of time, almost brutally so. Those three hours have made all the difference. I'll never question their strength or sanctity; I'll never doubt if they were good enough to get me a good rank. All I know is that I gave it everything I had during those three hours.

As the result approaches, I continue to read books that have nothing to do with this exam, I continue to try my hand at calligraphy, aware of, yet unmoved by the renewed efforts of other candidates for the next cycle. I'll probably never live those three hours again, irrespective of what future holds for me.

17 comments:

  1. Bang on :-)
    As geeta said "Karmanyevadhikaraste, maa faleshu kadachan"
    Best of luck for result ......

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    Replies
    1. Thanks bhai :) and all the very best to you too :)

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  2. Dude, I could so relate to a lot of what u have written. The only, and it is major, difference is that i actually quit my job for this exam. I started my prep in Jan 2011. My prep has been very isolated, just like yours. May god bless both of us :)

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  3. fantabulous vocab and spectacular end to you efforts.Heartiest Congrats

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  4. Sir,
    I am Kapil doing prep along with my job...
    but could not manage Time....
    some times I could manage 4 hrs and sometimes it is just 2 hrs...
    thats y there is not much confidence abt prep...
    my one optional is Philosophy...

    there is proverb..
    " If begining is good then end is good..
    but here begining is not upto the mark...

    please suggest something how to prep along job...
    and how can one motivate during prep..esp wen one has so much obstacles....??

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  5. Sir,
    I am Kapil doing prep along with my job...
    but could not manage Time....
    some times I could manage 4 hrs and sometimes it is just 2 hrs...
    thats y there is not much confidence abt prep...
    my one optional is Philosophy...

    there is proverb..
    " If begining is good then end is good..
    but here begining is not upto the mark...

    please suggest something how to prep along job...
    and how can one motivate during prep..esp wen one has so much obstacles....??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've to steal time. This is probably the best opportunity to take cognizance of the fact that time is more precious than any other entity - tangible or intangible. Once you understand this, and taste success, this lesson will stay with you for the rest of your life. Utilize office breaks, shirk work (UPSC is priority), use weekends like its the end of the world!...but just don't let up...Most importantly, believe that you can do it in whatever time is available with you. All the best.

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  6. Hello sir,,, i just read all your write ups. I must say , you are a vivid writer and your expression is amazing.....
    Congratulations to the ias officer and admiration for the poet and writer.

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  7. really awesome feeling after reading this blog especially ' Three hours'. You have really set a role model to working person who can be amidst the successful upsc exam crackers and who make their own destiny by hard and smart work instead of just going with the wind. Simply make me to recall the line "nothing is impossible" but you make me to feel 'yes, its true'. Good luck :)

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  8. Quite motivating your words are :)..
    Thank you Sir !!

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  9. Quite motivating your words are :)..
    Thank you Sir !!

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  10. I say This 3 hours post going to be the best source for inspirations for thousands of Working professionals who dream/try/commit towards the big wave of UPSC competition.
    // I'll probably never live those three hours again, irrespective of what future holds for me.// I admire the convincing confidence of your spirit. THANKS a Million !!!

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  11. Don't tell me...it was your last attempt & you finished remarkably well...your biography is truly inspirational...you deserved that buddy!!

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  12. Reading your enlightening post in 2017 after my prelims failure. Huge dose of motivation for me who is struggling to make a balance b/w Job and Preparation. Thank you sir & ATB :)

    ReplyDelete